i dont know where to start

my life has'nt been the greatest. i have many faults that i do not like. but then again thats most people. always focussing on the negative is my way, ive been that way for many years, ever since that one day that everything was right in my life went completly wrong. it was an era one may call....of pure euphoria. not even the most potent narcotics nor pharmesudicals(sp?) can even touch what was the utter happiness.that was that year.

i shouldnt of been so cocky and naive but oh well the past is the past and now i have to think about my future.
i have the certifaction that i wanted....but now i want more.

it's not the money nor the people i work with that encourage me now but it's my friends and the passion of seeing myself one day making a difference.
that's the mentallity that gets me up. even though it sound confusing from the start of this entry.

my faith is in question right now.i dont like the catholic system. it's pessimistic and half the shit we do it's out of remource. i dont really like accepting the fact that god created life. it doesnt sound right. how can one person be so loveing but yet soo spitefull.how can people listen to a person that encourage's death. but i have accepted that everyone is entitled to their own opinion. each god is different but yet come from the same idea.ive done some research and i've found my gateway. ive become a believer of kabbalah(thank you pop culture!). fun stuff.it's retarded in a way but it make's sense. the hard part of kabbalah is the forgiving and wishing the best. let's say you have a dickhead of a friend that's fuck you over sooo many times, the rule of kaballah is that you are not to become envious nor wish negative's thing's to your foe's but to forgive and wish them well. karma is a very powerfull thing. that kind of hard for me to do but ive accepted it. i have some book's to read but i think it will be well worth it in the end. plus you dont have to believe in god to be a follower. you can believe in energy or a celestial being but its all the same. as long as you have faith in something. kaballah is guidelines on how to live life to the fullest. you can be christian, muslim, catholic, buddist w/e and still be a kaballaist.k enough with that.....

i finally go to see john. it brought a smile to my face. i wished i saw patty and zoey as well but they werent around.
i dunno why we didnt call each other before but it's always fun just to be around them.
i also saw loida. we went shopping @ the outlet mall in aurora. that was fun.
norma i'm dissapointed that we didnt get to hang out during thanksgiving....shame on you!
you too milly!
rene where the fuck are you? havent seen you since you converted.....i dont think christians like me.......<(-_-;)>
fanny lets do lunch
gabby take care of those hampsters
finish uni johnee and dont party to hard XD


oh yeah i forgot to mention... we got 2 new employees in my transport dept. angelika and brandon.
brandon fucken cool. reminds me of steven but w/o the anal-retentive side.
angelika is polish...that's all you need to know....she looks like she knows how to party as well

jackie im sorry that i missed out on that party you txt me about.....looks like it was a dud in the end though.

i have good news as well. im preg......no im not. im going to mexico (me-hee-ko for those who do not speak in tounge)
leaving on christmas coming back in two weeks!
for some odd reason i keep believing that im going to come back with like 8 kids and a burro.....>.>

till next time lj